Tuesday, March 20, 2012

"We are not called into knowledge. We are not called to be able to draw out a map of where we are headed with perfect precision and clarity. We are called only into the depth and length and height and breadth of the love which is Jesus Christ, who is all the road-map we need. " -emily thompson

so here's the deal. i've kinda made a little mess of my life.in processing the mess and walking through it good things have come. i felt like i had to start at square 1 with my faith again. i felt like everything i ever knew was erased from my memory and there was nothing i could do about it. i felt like i didn't deserve to go to church on sunday and that i didn't deserve to go to young life last night. i believed 1000 lies at once. felt like i didn't deserve grace.

then i remembered love. i remembered how big it is. and how jesus was tempted as well. and how i'm not alone. and how god promises to work everything for my good. even the bad choices i make. crap can be called good because of God. mercies are new every morning. i just have to choose them. i can choose to accept the love that has been give to me today and not live in the feelings i had yesterday. i don't have to make a walk of a shame back to the lord, i can run unencumbered to him. grace upon grace upon grace has been given to me.

i can still have eucharisto in the midst of hard things. grateful for an ounce of willpower if nothing else. grateful for best friends and family to walk through things with. grateful that i don't have to live legalistically. grateful for promises that things are going to be normal again. grateful for friends that leave their cell phones on loud all night so i can call them. grateful for grace. grateful for young life aspen. grateful to be in a place i can pray outloud again. grateful that my faith can be new every morning. grateful to call things what they are and learn from them. grateful for the ability to laugh, because sometimes that's all you can do. grateful for the river in basalt that i can throw rocks in. grateful for Love that pursues me above all else.

1 comment:

  1. i've never identified more with one piece of writing. you have such a natural voice and i love every inflection, every pause, every break and every last bit of this prose.

    so grateful you wrote this. so grateful i read this. so grateful for Love that pursues us above all else.

    how awesome is it that we serve a God that, despite all of our ugly, all of our doubt, all of our regressions, all of our crap-- looks at us and goes, "that one. she's mine."

    thanks, hannah. you're the bomb.com.

    ReplyDelete

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