Saturday, November 17, 2012

farther along we'll understand why.

life is good and sweet and has slowed down. i spent most of last week in the hospital which wasn't fun but i got to hang out with my mom and all my best friends for 3 days so that was fun. last night micah told me my group of friends is stacked and could take care of anything. he's right. i'm lucky. grateful for this town and how it surrounds me and loves me so well. grateful for all of crossroads staff coming to see me, all of cdh constantly being by my side, my mama coming from va and the white kitty house loving on me so hard. this week i went back to work and back to the office and took it easy and had an excuse to and that was real nice. i feel 100% again which is nice to feel human after not for about a week and a half. i've gotten a lot of encouragement this week from people (my house but jeremy esp, and chelsea telling me i'm a really good listener now and that all my effort to make that occur has paid off i guess and a lot of intentional time spent with people (qt with sam this past weekend, emily and anna hanging on my porch, duck dynasty with micah, car rides with maggie, going to the movies with evan) which has been so good for me. also have realized things about myself which is cool and new- that i'm a redneck and a hippie and somehow i embrace both of those atribute and it's okay. also, that i may be going to grad school for social work. wild. wild wild wild. love it. so exciting and scary mostly. next week i'll think about it more.
this blog post was never finished but it's good haha

you know, brooke fraser is really stinking good.

i'm home sick for the 2nd day this week with 3 more sick days ahead of me. i've already cried once from depression about it. i hate having to slow down i hate not having stuff to do i hate having to rest. even though its so good for me. even though i know rest can be productive and doesn't have to be consumed by tv watching (i had to stop myself after my 4th once upon a time episode today to read and spend time with jesus and then read blogs haha) i'm just not good at being sick i don't think. but it lets people show me they love me and i am good at responding to that.

mary slept in the same bed as me friday night even after i had thrown up (not in the bed) but i had smelly armpits.
ashley came after i told her i had thrown up and sat with me
mary let me wake her up at 8 crying and shaking in pain because i couldn't talk and i was so scared how sick i was.
sarah thomas found me some medicine.
gaby lent me her laptop and let me watch gilmore girls.
mary loved me and napped with me.
alexis checked on me every chance she had
alexis packed my stuff up for me and she and ash left the retreat early to bring me home
zach made me rest
i've gotten countless texts from family and friends asking if they can do anything for me
chelsea just offered to buy me frozen peas and now she's coming over to hang out
mary gave me a foot massage. which was weird.
micah made me laugh and let me watch once then when i fell asleep he turned off once and turned on a movie he wanted to watch haha
jeremy did the dishes for me
ashley gave me a candle haha

its just nice to be loved. all those people would do all those things any day of the week for me regardless of my wellbeing. that's nice to know too.

i am 12 days into being a married woman and i am finding more joy and more mourning than i expected. i changed my name last week and cri...