Friday, February 19, 2016

listen. the past 3 months have been total shit balls. January/February have not been the best. i still have hope for 2016 but so far its not been kind. let's recap.

  • a lot of traveling for 2 (beautiful really great perfect) weddings back to back weekends
  • being pulled over by cops twice
  • patrick henry having a stroke
  • having to put patrick henry to sleep
  • sickness
  • car accident
  • more homework due in a two week period than i've had in the entirety of grad school
  • having 2900 million extra things on top of that to do for school 
i literally lived my life the past few weeks saying to myself "hm i wonder what will happen next? will i get get mugged today? will i get hit by a car? will our house burn down?" i literally was just waiting for more bad things to happen. i told my people constantly that i was exhausted and i was in crisis / survival mode. for 3 weeks straight. there was no respite from it. i wasn't thriving i wasnt happy i literally sat in my closet with patrick henry the sparse time i had at home or i came home and went straight to my room to do endless amounts of school work. i was met with a lot of love and grace, but it was hard. it was a really hard three weeks. 

as i was thinking about it, and thinking about what i would blog about this week, i breathed a deep breath and realized that this week is the first week i have felt whole again. i have been with noah and megan a lot, i have laughed more this week than the last three combined, i have had time to hang out with people i love and miss, and i have worked out. 

i am a very firm believer in ebenezers. setting up physical places where God shows up. they help us remember and are good to look back on. so besides showing you all the crap from the past three weeks here is hopefully a longer list of the good. a lot of these revolve around patrick henry dying, which is sad, but he is free and not in pain and running around with jesus so i think he's okay now.

  • getting to dance with two of my favorite people at their weddings 
  • getting to wake up at the fitz' farm on a Sunday morning and have breakfast with brandon and the boys like no time had past since i lived there
  • being in boiling springs and having it feel so perfect and so much like home 
  • getting to spend a whole day with zoe, shannon, and emily, and being completely known and love and encouraged by them, because really, they are my best people. for the past 20 years. 
  • chelsea facetiming me the hour before i had to take patrick henry to the vet office
  • noah and other people spending time researching hedgehog illnesses, diets, buying him food, and trying to figure out why he was so sick. 
  • hilary literally getting in a car accident on the way to the vets office but powering through and meeting me there to hold patrick henry, help me make the decision, and hold me and ugly cry with me when i said bye to him. then proceeding to talk about buttholes to make me laugh because i needed to laugh. 
  • all my brothers and sisters instantly sending me text messages after my mom told them and feeling very loved. 
  • new and unexpected friendships and relationships that were honestly divinely timed because i couldn't do life on my own these past three weeks
  • noah sitting in my closet at midnight on a sunday night crying with me and saying bye to patrick henry 
  • getting in a car accident and texting every man i know in this city and having jacob literally appear out of no where to help me put my bumper back on my car. 
  • getting in a car accident with a really friendly girl who was mega chill. seriously, if you're going to hit someone at leas pray you hit someone nice-it makes it so much more enjoyable. 
  • having jan literally stalk me on find my friends to come meet me in the rain to give me a hug and tell me she didn't know why all these things were happening to me
  • friends who come over literally for just half an hour visits, because thats all the margin we have sometimes. 
  • gabbie offering to not eat lunch on account of me forgetting my lunch. hungry best pals for life. 
  • cards and hugs and a lot of love for people who love me and loved patrick henry 
  • longer days & good sunsets
  • jesus being kind and good 
  • people who love me when i'm 9999% a mess
  • the hope of future adventures and joy to come.

i think life is a little hard right now. i have felt more materialistic than i maybe ever have. pretty much daily i am buying something, or ...