Sunday, May 19, 2013

i'm sitting on my porch in my pjs before i get ready for church and it is so nice. i guess it means i have poor margins in my life that this doesn't happen more often but i wish it would. actually, i've sat on this porch a lot this week in sadness. on wednesday mary and i sat on the porch and said goodbye to eachother for the summer. on thursday i got hurt pretty bad at work and i was sad my best friend had left and before ttc i came out here and read psalm 139 and cried. today i'm sitting here and about to cry because if i think about crying it just happens. i'm also watching a mama bird feed her little baby birds and that is cute and sweet. i'm listening to christ is risen by matt maher. its so good.

trust steadily in god, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. 1 corinthians 13:13
go after a life of love as if your life depends on it-because it does. 1 corinthians 14:1

i have 4 weeks of cdh left. i can either lean in and go after loving these 8 people like crazy...or i can get bitter for how things happened or didn't happen this year. i've spent some of this year being bitter already in the midst of things so i'm choosing love.

phil wickham just came on and it smells like rain and honeysuckle out here. i can't stop thinking about dfocus.

it's may 19th and i was supposed to hear from grad school on may 1st. this is unfortunate only in the fact that if Brazil is my future I want to lean in and start support raising and move forward. i sent in my denial letter to Radford this week. I also cried about that. Micah was rock climbing and Maggie tried to get me to talk to her but i didn't know i was sad about the denial letter yet but i asked micah when he was coming home and he said now if i needed him. i said no but he came anyway. he's nice. so we played with the kitties and talked about brazil.

i am well loved in this house. i will miss lazy saturdays with brian watching shark tank, falling asleep with 3 of my best friends every night, laughing and being scared by zach.

micah had a revelation in family dollar yesterday that we all are the perfect family because we are so skilled.

me- animal knowledge
micah- handiman
ashley- having answers for everything like a mom would
zach- keeping us goofy and honest
maggie- fashion expert
brian- design/party planner
jeremy- pool guy
alexis- child care
anna- musician

grateful for that revelation.

i think life is a little hard right now. i have felt more materialistic than i maybe ever have. pretty much daily i am buying something, or ...