Sunday, July 15, 2012

my friend erica inspired this blog. she's about to go to grad school at ECU and is real scared. it'll be okay though erica!

we talked last night about how god doesn't call us to do something and then makes us do that thing he called us to do on his own. this morning i read matthew 14 and it talked about jesus walking on water and how peter asked to be called out onto the water and jesus obliged but then peter doubted and got scared and fell when he stopped looking at jesus. i think this is so us sometimes. we asked to be called to do something, or just ask god for something to happen and things work out and fall into place and that thing does happen and it's almost like we forgot we wanted that thing in the first place. then we get scared and nervous and doubt and start to sink because we think we can do it on our own. but we can't. if god leads us to this place of doing this thing he's going to see it through. it's going to be okay because god ordained it to happen. or maybe god let it happen, i don't know but i do know he is sovereign and things do work out. crazy things like falling off the mountain when mountain biking with my high school girls turned into like 20 young life talks. or real things like going to colorado and being scared and having it be the hardest and best 5 months of my life. things really do work out. but we need to not be scared punks and remembered that we asked for the call sometimes. and remember that god is really big. and does big things. and never has the intention of leaving us to sink or fall.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

the other day i was telling katherine about my life and how i was and about life in colorado and about how i learned how to dance and she stopped me and said hannah, when you came back there was something different about you and i knew there was but i didn't know what it was. i knew i was more comfortable around you than i ever had been, i knew i was loved by you like never before, i knew something was different. and then we cried. she said now that you tell me about how free you felt and how unencumbered by the world you were and how you lived how you were created to live in the lord in colorado i know that is true. i know i am so at peace around you beacause you are so at peace with yourself. then we cried more.

that was real nice. some people told me i changed for the worse in colorado. they told me that becuase i didn't say christian things anymore or didn't really love going to church that i was different. that my faith was different because i was testing it.

freedom feels good.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 


You are More by tenth avenue north.


i've lately been feeling a lot like i screwed things up in colorado. screwed them up by the people i hung out with, choices i made, not abiding in the lord, just whatever. like jesus could never live in me again after those things. not that i like killed anyone or anything i just wasn't seeking the lord for so long that maybe i couldn't do it again. and like i said last post, i prayed and presented my attitudes and emotions to the lord and immediately felt peace so i figured he was still down in me somewheres. 


and i also remembered i was worth everything. that i have been remade. that i am constantly being remade. that revelations 21:5 is the best. “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” trustworthy and true, must be a good sign.  


grateful for grace and mercies that are always new and friends that hold my hands and heart. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

living in pigeon forge the past two summers made me love the 4th of july and america. and turned me a little redneck. i throw up the 3 for dale everytime i see anything related to it and love cut off tshirts. and america. most of its a joke but i really am blessed to live in america so why not have some pride. today was the first day off from work besides weekends i've had and it was soooooo nice. i cleaned carolines house and met with my friend rory and hung with mary and hung with erica and hung with evan then changed into my cut off eagle shirt that says america on it and took my watermelon to andrew, adam, and dereks apartment and hung with some people we play ultimate with and played intense card games. then i ate food that had been in the car and it was really hot and got really really bad diarrhea. and wanted to die. but it passed. then i was an hour late to jon's party but we got there just in time for the fire works and the dance party and it was the best. michael put on a strobelight app on his iphone and we danced like fools. this boy matt and i petitioned for call me maybe and they finally put it on and we raved. then i came home to go to bed and write this blog. it was such a good day. maybe one of the best days i have had in a long time. i hung out with literally almost all my favorite people i could in this state and danced and laughed hard and ate a lot of watermelon. now i have 19 more hours to work this week till the weekend when i can do it all over again. love it so much. so grateful for days off and good friends. and remembering i can have fun without drinking, i kinda forgot that a little bit.

Monday, July 2, 2012

today i will blog. i'm watching 24 and still don't know whats going on or who jack bauer is and drinking a slushee. #typical tiff just said YOU MOTHER TURD.

noah and megan are married (again)
my bangs are still mega good looking
i have a new animal shirt- it's a tiger painted like the american flag.
i'm living in community easier than i thought i would
i am loved
i am trying to live and love well
katherine and i are reading the bible together every night (matthew)
mary is back in town and we cuddle a lot
i slept in my hammock under the moon on friday
i go to bed around 10 every night and wake up at 645
the other day i thought jesus didn't live in my heart and that i really did f everything up in colorado.
then i presented those emotions to jesus and tried to abide and i felt better so i figured he did live in my heart.
i still take baby steps though
i have a mason jar high up on a shelf that says FUN FUND and i clean my friend carolines house and put that money in it and use it for fun things. saving it maybe for the moon tattoo. or a trip to aspen. or other fun things
it is july and team vaughn beach week starts july 29th. SOSOON
i miss tennessee a lot, i want to visit very soon
i still think and miss and talk about the boys from colorado alll the time
i have to go meet mary now.
i love my life.

i think life is a little hard right now. i have felt more materialistic than i maybe ever have. pretty much daily i am buying something, or ...