//we are more than conquerors headed out into this world bound by chains and broken down but his love is all around// conquerors by man in the ring
tonight, i am sad. i miss america. i miss my mom. i miss sleeping in a bed. i miss hot showers. i miss having roommates. i miss driving. i miss my life basically.
//If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.// matthew 16:25
well, pretty sure thats what is happening here.
i've been wrestling with my identity which, if you had asked me before I moved here where my identity was I would have said in Christ. I've never been one to feel as though my identty is in things or people, I've transitioned to a lot of new things a lot of times in the past 6 years and feel relatively secure in my identity in CHrist. Turns out that was not super true. Cool. As I've eagerly awaited a to-do list from Paige I have struggled to find my identity in Christ and not in being super great at beng helpful or in doing admnistrative work. Because, really, I am good at administrative things and at being helpful. In Brazil though, I'm not all that helpful or useful. I suspect it is because I can't understand what is beng said so I dont know to get the broom or to wash the dish or to put the sugar in the fridge or to get the mangos out of the pool until someone else already has and I feel like a doofus. I've realized (via Jesus and Oswald Chambers) that it's not about the doing. I can get distracted by the serving aspect of what I'm doing. I can get distracted by the label Missionary. I feel like that means I have to be super woman and learn Portuguese quickly and spend all my time holding tiny hands and exuding Christ from all my pores and loving cold showers and doing administrative stuff. Turns out, it is ALL an offering. Before I left Krsti and I ran errands together and she told me explicitly that the point of moving to Brasil was to become more like Christ. That will occur through : tiny hand holding, doing social media updates, teaching English, resting well, having long quiet times and everything else I do in a day. All of it. My identity isnt in my ability to complete a task list, but in the everything I do if I'm doing it for the Lord.
//So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.// Romans 12:1-2 msg version
Before I left for Brasil people were freakishly into telling me this was the right thing to do. Maybe they were more in touch with the Lord than I knew, maybe they lied to me (you cant really tell a missionary that they are making a bad life choice I guess) but, everyone was really encouraging. and that encouragement spilled over onto me. The other day Nay told me over and over she knows I can do this. She knows Ill learn Portuguese, she knows that the girls will love me, she knows that they will see Christ in me. She said give it three weeks. I'm holding loosely to that three weeks but I'm holding tightly to the hope I have in Jesus. That this hard time will be redeemed. That when I look back in 6 months and read this blog I will be different. I will be sad to leave these people and this place. I will be more like Christ after these months.
//there is a lot more adventure to be had in 6 months...it'll fly by so get ready for it.// -Melissa