Monday, February 27, 2012

julia told me just to write "julia is awesome" and it would be a greate blog post. she's right.

just kidding i have more to say. but julia is awesome. i miss her a lot and laughing about anything and everything. i don't laugh a lot here which is a bummer. i still try to have a lot of joy though. like this morning i had to wake up at 530 to take my mom to the airport and i saw the sunrise which i haven't since i've been here and that was real pretty and john butler trio's losing you was blasting and it was 13 degrees and i rejoiced and praised god.

so i had surgery (okay two procedures marques said it didn't count as surgery because i didn't get cut open--i was completely under drugs and was on the operating room table so whatever) and came home and ate a lot of doritos and drank a lot of strawberry gatorade and watched how i met your mother so it was real okay. no pain at all. saturday we watched more how i met your mother and i took my mom to snowmass village and made her ride the gondola and ate lunch at the bar adam works at. i know all the employees because that's where the boys go every night and leona came up to me and hugged me and was like YOU JUST HAD SURGERY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU GIRL! and it was cute. Justin literally told everyone i know in the valley that I was having surgery which I appreciated a lot. just fun to get texts and to see people and have them ask how i was. i am loved here in weird ways but it is good. saturday night i went to marques's house to watch a movie and justin and adam showed up. i thought the movie about a boy was good but turned out it sucks a lot. yesterday mom and i went to aspen and she didn't like it, she liked snowmass village more and i do as well. more of a community.

grateful she came. grateful for boring time of sitting on the couch watching entirely too much tv. grateful for some laughs and some tears. grateful she's the best mama ever.

it's almost march!!! that means 8 weeks until i'm back at gardner webb and then only two weeks until i'm done. TEN WEEKS HOLY MOLEY. AYEEEEEEE YYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

julia really is aawesome and tomorrow is her birthday so love her real hard. love you ju! see you in EIGHT WEEKS

Thursday, February 23, 2012

i've been laying in a very small bed with my mama since like 1 pm (it's currently 6), well we took separate naps from 230-4ish, and it's sooooo good. we are watching season 4 of how i met your mother. i don't know that she likes it that much but there are 6 seasons available on netflix so i figured it would continue throughout the weekend. pretty cool. i just had to drink this poison stuff to clean out my insides. lame.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

erica and chelsea throwing rocks in the lake because that's what i do when i'm sad or mad at school and so they did it for me. i laughed so hard while watching this. awesome.

i am loved. by a whole freaking lot of people.

i have to have a colonoscopy and an endoscopy on friday. camera down my up my butt. i cried a lot on the drive home and chelsea let me cry to her and prayed real hard until we lost signal. i begged my mom not to come but she is on thursday and staying till monday. i'm so grateful but also feel guilty. but more grateful than guilty.

Monday, February 20, 2012

(this blog post also contains poop)

apparently my life feels the need to be super action packed lately. this is another ridiculous story that is hilarious and has the lord all over it. last night after much reluctance and insistance from the GI doctor in shelby, the dr in aspen, and my boss I ended up in the ER. Chelsea came with me and we laughed and cussed the whole way there because we didn't know why I was going or being forced to go because they wouldn't actually do anything for me. So we got there and first off, aspen hospital doesn't have a waiting room you walk in and have to pick up a phone and call the front desk. my conversation went like this

nurse: hello
me: uh hi i'm standing in the lobby
nurse: what can I do for you?
me: uh can I come in?
nurse: do you need to see a doctor
me: yeah that'd be real great

no I was just chilling. weird. so the nurse took me to a room and made me take my clothes off and put a gown on and it was real cute (pictures to come via chelsea) so this nurse man comes in named Raymond and he's great I hand him a detailed note describing everything from the past 3 weeks he would need to know and he said I instantly became his favorite patient because I had all the info he needed. So he was funny and made me laugh and then left and I had to go real bad so I unhooked myself from stuff and ran down the hallway back to where the phone was and the doors were locked so i did the poop dance and ray saw me and let me in and put socks on me and made me poop in a bowl and said thank you very much and i said yeah sorry bout it. then chelsea and I got time to just hang out and talk about drugs and deaf camp and life and families and it was so good. she's the best. thennnnn the doctor came in, he was great. but wasn't funny. then he left and we chilled for a bit and i went to the bathroom some more and then steve came in with a big tub of needles and i said whoa nowwww. i told him i didn't have any veins and he kinda believed me but not really and stuck me twice with no blood. so then homegirl comes in and she's weird but she sticks me twice and literally tries to draw the blood out with a syringe and it won't come. i said told you steve i don't have any blood. then she tries to stick the back of my hand and doesn't let the alcohol dry first so it goes in with the needle and burns soooo bad so i go HOLY SHIT and ray and chelsea laugh a lot and it hurt bad. and was still unsuccessful so then ray puts gloves filled with hot water on my arms and it's real cute and calls me a honey badger and i don't know what that means but apparently it's a youtube video and him and chelsea laugh and then he says he'll bring me his ipad to watch it. he tells me i'm the best a lot which made me feel good because i was trying to be and he was the best so it was mutual. so then he tried to draw blood and couldn't (stick number 3) and i told him along with everyone else to count 1 2 3 so i was ready for it and he told me he wouldn and then he didnt! he stuck me and i said YOU DIDNT COUNT and he freaked out and apologized so much and we laughed and he was like YOU HAVE TO BREATHE which i forgot so i did. he couldn't get blood and he said he wasn't going to stick me again so then this old lady comes in and says she can do it so she goes for my hand again and tries so hard and digs real hard and chelsea holds my hand and i try to gouge my eyeball out because it hurts so bad and she stops and is like okay 6 sticks i'm not sticking you again just let me look and i was like no you can if you find something and she did but wasn't going stick me and i said no really it's okay it's not the end of the world so i pray real hard jesus let it work and IT DID. good to go. so then ray brings me his ipad and i watch the honey badger and laugh SO much because it's funny and i'm so relieved they got blood. ( ray was right I am a honey badger so we laughed about that while we waited for my test results and chelsea and i watched shit nobody says and laughed and watched glozell and then i just put on john butler trio to chill me out. it was so good. thennnnn ray comes back and tells me i have to have a colonoscopy on the asap and i said uh i don't want a camera shoved up my butt and he said me either i have to have one this year too and we  became twins. and that was that. he was the best nurse ever and i'm so grateful for him.

got home, still laughing about how absurd our night was and how we are such a dream team with the buddy system and then i got home and went to the bathroom and it was all blood. so i cried a little because i was scared and told chelsea. i had some water and slept from like 12 to 5 perfectly then peoples alarms started going off and i texted my boss asking her if i had to go to breakfast and she said no so i slept until like 8 and it was so good. i haven't gotten good sleep since this all started so it was so good i was grateful for it. then today i've just called doctors and tried to get my antibiotic the er doctor put me on to no avail...yet. still working on it and cried some and talked to erica and bought a people magazine and kiwi strawberry snapple and that's about it. i feel good. haven't gone to the bathroom since i woke up and have eaten twice and have felt good.

i'm pretty scared though. scared about all the blood, scared about maybe having a colonoscopy, scared that i'm so far away from everyone i love (including chelsea who went back to work today and i won't see her for two weeks). erica volunteered to throw rocks in the lake for me which is good for my soul.

i got baby car back today though which i wasn't expecting which is fun so i drove home from the pharmacy with the windows down feeling good.

the lord is so good. i didn't want to go to the ER at all and even cried about it but chelsea made it fun and we laughed a lot and ray was literally an angel. without him it would of sucked so hardcore. grateful that they drew blood. grateful they took another poo sample, grateful for youtube videos and ipads. grateful for the boys (i got to hang with them in snowmass yesterday during the day and then text them a lot last night which was cool that they cared) and grateful for a hot shower after the er last night and for incredibly peaceful sleep and for not really having to work today and for texts and calls and prayers.

it'll be okay.

Friday, February 17, 2012

(this post contains things about poop. girls (me) pooping. if you choose to believe girls don't do such thinsg or you are already grossed out don't read. it also contains things about jesus and you'll laugh i bet so read it anyway)

today was literally too insane not to post about. and i'm still laughing about it. and god is so good in it so it's not even bad. so to preface today-i've had diarrhea for 2 weeks now and have had one cycle of antibiotics that did nothing. week 2 (this week) has been a lot better, my stomach hasn't hurt as much and i've not been completely pooping my brains out. just like 10 times a day. it's worse at night. so last night it got real bad and not right (spared you some details be grateful) so i was like okay i should prob go to another doctor. so my boss called her doctor and she said she'd squeeze me in. great. we also have 40 people here for a ski/snowboard weekend so there are like 25 kids running around all middle school age insane which is really funny but wild. so we were trying to get the kids in the vans this morning to go to the mountain and i went to start my car to go to the doctor and it wouldn't start so we tried to jump it and it wouldn't even jump. cool man. so got in the jeep with ryan and we came to the hotel to drop off the food blah blah blah i was really pissed that my car wouldn't start and that i had to go back to the doctor.

got to the hotel dropped stuff off went with ryan to interpret for 25 kids renting skis, boots, helmets, and snowboards (so not cool) and then my boss was all why are you still here why didn't you take the jeep i was like uh i dunno. so she drew me a map of aspen to find this doctor. i can't follow maps at all and driving other peoples cars scares me. so i'm like driving this jeep to aspen and somehow by the grace of god i get to the doctor and they let me go right in and see dr kim. she's super cool and literally at one point says well fuck, here's a cup shit in it and take it to the hospital as soon as you do so it doesn't go bad. i'm not even making this up. so i call my boss and tell her i'll just stay in aspen until i poo in this cup because the hospital is there. well so i sit in the library and fall asleep while i eat lunch then sit in the bathroom for half an hour and nothing. i go shopping, i walk around, i pet a few dogs, still nothing. after all night and two weeks of pooping constantly i got nothing. so i drive back to the mountain and the gas light comes on and the level goes waaaay below E and I still have to drive up this mountain. so i'm like god if you exist help a sister out please. so i find a gas station and almost get rear ended and then it's all good.

anyway. so God was all over this day because i could of had a lottttt worse of an attitude all day because everything went wrong. oh yeah, my car got towed, it needs a new starter which they don't have in the shop so they have to order one so baby car won't be returned to me until next week. but God provided Ryan and the jeep and free parking, and a library to hang out in, and books for my best friends birthday at a thrift store for 50 cents, and my boss letting me drive her car and texting me a lot and laughing with me at how awkward my life is, and chelsea hearne, mary, and erica getting to laugh with me all day and pray with me all day.

i just got back home, it's almost 7 and i didn't poop all day until i got back to my house at 530 THEN i pooped so i had to get back in the jeep and SPEED to aspen (about 30 minutes away) because the test was void after 30 minutes and the lady at the front desk was super slow but asked questions and was funny and then the lab guy took my sample and i said goodnight have fun and chelsea and i laughed about it the whole way home.

so, the lord provides even if it's in laughter. and really only erica may think this post is funny but it's my life. i like unicorns.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

i really should learn how to do this.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

nothing super new in my life. my intestines are jacked up real bad but that kinda happens in my life so it's whatever. living life on the toilet. this morning my mom told me to have a lot of gatorade and i didn't have any so i handed adam my keys and debit card and he ran to the gas station and got me two huge gatorades and brought one to my office. so nice. keenan called me to see how i was today.

maybe even last week i thought about how i was not loved here or known and just funny how things have progressed so fast. first i thought i didn't have any friends then everyone showed me time and time again that we are friends, then i thought i wasn't known, which is still hit or miss but i'll take what i got, and then i thought i wasn't loved but seeing adam jump off the couch at 8:30 this morning to serve me was the best. so grateful that the lord provides.

most days i: text mary, my sister, chelsea hearne, and chelsea bridges. i gchat with erica almost all day long. my roommates laugh about girlie things and ryan and mario roll their eyes. mario makes 1000 jokes a day about me dating keenan (which is weird--guess he has weird deaf gay dude intuition which i hope isn't true). i alternate lifting and running. i get stoked about going to boiling springs in april. i get sad that the boys are moving out in april. i drink 1000 gallons of water because my mouth is so dry. i wish i was doing something off the mountain. i read. i am on facebook way too much. i listen to john butler trio. i watch gossip girl. wake up repeat.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

good things- yesterday kari chelsie and i went shopping in aspen and snowmass and it was fun. fun to do stuff with girls, fun to have friends, fun to not be at camp. one of my favorite things in the world is when someone knows me and knows what i would ilke or not like and kari kept showing me jackets and snowboards and goggles that were crazy bright colored because she knew i'd like them and i know the perfect shade of aqua she loves and chelsies love of black and white prints and it was just good. nice to have a fun girls day. and i got a sweet cardigan and patagonia vest at a thrift store.

sweet texts from my sister and zachary.

i won our office superbowl bet. i got a funny medal and i get to pick out costumes for everyone to wear skiing two weekends from now.

i only ate twice yesterday and twice today due to unforseen circumstances and my stomach didn't rally against me and kill me like i thought it would.

encouragement from chelsea and mary.

perfect songs (she don't want nobody near by the counting crows and tornado by sara groves) to fit my not good mood today.

2 Corinthians 7:1

Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

if we live in insecurities and not identity in christ we will love expectations and assumptions and that's where we will live and that's when we start complaining -matt orth

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

sometimes I only blog when things are crapcrap I guess. Today is day 7 of having good days and I appreciate that it is February. I'm excited for a month with only one program, a month of friendships finally, and another month closer to being home. Apparently I finally got good at sign language because my roommates and I hang out a lot and talk a lot more and it's so nice to just share life with each other even if it's only conversations about kitties and laundry and paper-cuts.

listening to beautiful things by gungor and just thinking about how I am being made new, all the time. I am being made new and beautiful and will make beautiful things because of the Lord in me. I've thought a lot about telling the boys i live with like, hey, i love jesus. i really do, but then kinda thought about how I shouldn't have to tell people I love the lord. it should be evident in my life and how i love people and serve people and interact with people so i've been trying to live pretty intentionally and loving well and trying to be thankful and not complain. it's been cool to try to live the way that we are called to live i think and not how we often choose to live (in complaints and selfishness).

i'm currently wearing my wolf shirt, drinking vitamin water out of a coffee cup, and eating stale popcorn sarah thomas gave me and being content which feels real freaking nice.

Why would I ever want to write a book? Who would ever want to read a book I wrote? the market right now is definitely oversaturated with chr...