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Neon shines through smokey eyes tonight
It's 2 a.m. I'm drunk again
And it's heavy on my mind - grace is gone by dave matthews
it's not 2 am and i'm not drunk- only 10:30 but my mind is heavy. when i was 16 my best friend died. she had brain cancer. tonight my friend eric, who was also best friends with her, and i talked about her. we don't really talk about it often. he was one of the pall bearers. he carried his best friend to the grave. he writes a lot and tonight we talked about how he would of never started writing if it wasn't for jessica. she lived a crazy beautiful life. she took incredible pictures, she wrote incredible poetry, she lived in love more so than i ever will and i don't think she knew jesus at all.
i want to be more like her. i want to be a better listener. i want to not talk so much. i want to love people who are hard to love. i want to give people grace more.
i'm city lights.
i'm shining bright, but only when everyone is sleeping.
so turn me on, turn me off.
i hope they don't see that i'm flawed.
i'll try so hard to build back what i'm losing
but here comes the pause, the confessions
body image, this desire for perfection. i'm tired
i'm restless
and i still feel rejection.
you'll see, once i'm shining, more than anything; i just want to be your reds, your blues, your greens
so turn me on, turn me off.
i'll try hard to build back what i lost
city lights- jessica randall.
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