Sunday, February 16, 2014

have. want. need.

i learned those words in portuguese in that order. it wasnt until week 3 that i learned how to say need. because by then i started to actually need things. confession: i see cheesy christian metaphors all over the place. i could probably write a blog about the things i see or have learned that i could apply to a neat christian discipline or lesson. i learn them and then never bring them up because-i dont like cheesy christian things. i like honest, real, messy things. i dont have a propensity towards easy sayings, things that rhyme, songs learned in sunday school or youth group, or any other neat tidy things. but, as i read over the book i write down portuguese words in as i learn them i was struck at the progression i have made. when thinking about life i think it can come down to these three words. sometimes in that order, sometimes not. i think it is pretty indicative of my life though.

there are things i have. a lot of things actually. too many things. i think i will be shocked when i return to america to a room full of things that i have lived without for 6 months. there has not been a time since moving here where i thought--oh if i only had...i am learning that i have a lot more than i realize i have. also learning that we can live off a lot less than we think we can.

at some point we forgot what we have and we desire more though. or other. i know that i have 10 shirts here that are perfectly fine. i know that i have really great chacos. i know that i have enough snacks in my fridge to last me. but the desire creeps in...and i want more. i want to buy flip flops to fit in. i want to buy that bag of doritos because it'll make me happy this afternoon-i forget all the really great snacks i already have. i want a hot shower because i havent had one in five weeks. i want want want.

and then hopefully...we come back to what we need. and if we stop to think about it-the things we have or even want probably wont fill that need. the need for comfort, happiness, joy, fulfillment.

i have things that fill me. i want more things to fill me. i forget that all i need is the Lord. if only i had learned that word first. all the haves or have nots or wants wouldn't be so big or drastic or dire. because i have and want all i need forever in the Lord. it's hard to learn. hard to reconcile with our hearts who lean so heavily into this world. our hearts learn to have and want things so much easier than we learn to rely on our only need that is filled in Jesus.

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