Wednesday, February 26, 2014

February is almost over so I can write a blog about relationships and it doesn't have to be another blog written by a girl around valentines day. Those are good though, I read a lot of good articles on relationships and singlehood and love around valentines day and I am grateful for those who wrote. This blog has been inspired by some of those that I read but also inspired by conversations ive had with best friends lately and what God is doing in my heart here in Brasil.

I mostly hate the way that we talk about singlehood. I hate how we encourage those who are single. Chances are this blog is directed at you. Some of my best friends. At myself. We, typically, as girls love to affirm each other when we find ourselves wallowing in the pitfall that is singlehood. I think we are well-meaning. I have never felt hostility or that my friends were telling me lies just to tell me lies. Maybe your friends do that, I don't tend to surround myself with people who lie to me (unless I ask them to in the instance of...please lie to me and tell me july is RIGHT around the corner—then you can lie to me all the live long day). Friends love to say “It'll happen someday!” “I know there is a guy out there who will love all these weird things about you!” “It'll just be SO great when you meet that great guy!” “I just know you'll date again!” I have said those things to my best girl friends. And my heart behind them is sincere. I really do hope and pray that they meet someone and that someone does love them for all the weird things and amazing qualities I see in them. I used to LOVE hearing those things from my friends. I believe that my friends have my best interest in mind and want all the world for me because I want all the world for them. Like I said before, I don't think these friends are lying to me or trying to placate me. I think the encouragement is good and comes from a good place.

I think it is misguided though. Deep down these encouragements are only reinforcing our worldly idea that we will be complete with a relationship or marriage. It probably will be real great IF I meet that great guy who loves that I am weird and laugh a lot and eat peanut butter on everything and hate wearing shoes. But it's also real great now. We are given all that we need in the Lord. Like I blogged about before—we already have the “much more” of life. I digress-- I want us to change our vernacular. I want to affirm and embrace and encourage qualities in my friends that have nothing to do with a relationship. I want to affirm their weird habits, their love of serving, their killer talents, THEM. I want to remind them that they are enough. That they are a crazy rare treasure that deserves the world-and has already been given it in the Lord. That life is really great and that it will never be complete with anyone besides the Lord. I don't want to reinforce their beliefs that they are only half a person or half a life in their singlehood. Even if those encouragements I listed earlier are well-intentioned they are still mis-guided.

Try changing your heart and attitude when encouraging your pal next time she's down about being single and is cursing love. Remind her that she is worthy and valuable as she is. And that the Lord will always see her that way. And that you will too. Leave out the “it'll happen someday” and throw in the “you are an amazing woman...i love _____ about you and want to encourage you to continue doing _____ because it is really great and the world is better for it.” Pray for your friends. Pray for husbands or boyfriends that you hope to arrive some day. I don't know how it all works. Some are called to marriage, some aren't. But know that you are worthy and valuable as you are and you can be that real great amazing person despite a relationship status.  

1 comment:

  1. I literally typed something so similar to post on last week and deleted it, since I didn't want to come off as a bitter cynical single person. But, thank you for being transparent and truthful. And Hannah Vaughn, You are SO awesome. You are enough in the Lord, and I hope today you get another beautiful glimpse at how much he cares for you.


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