Thursday, March 25, 2010

I'm restless. Big time.

There Ain't no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I don’t know why I say the things I say, but I say them anyway.
But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free,I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set me free, yes.
-Ain't No Reason by Brett Dennen.

I'm not content to sit in my dorm room. I'm not content to just look at all my Guatemala pictures a hundred times a day and cry. I'm itching to go back. I'm itching to travel. I'm itching to make a difference. I fully know you don't have to go to a third world country to make a difference in life. Trust me. I know. I think that's the path some people do have to take though.

I know it's kinda a trendy thing to love Africa (Stuff Young Lifers Like) but for the past three years I've been obsessed with going there. I just want to travel. My friend Annie studied abroad in South Africa a few semesters ago and I'm still obsessed with her pictures. I want to go!

I'm also not content with America. I'm not content owning over thirty pairs of shoes. I'm not content owning over 40 tshirts (I cut that number in half and gave away 20 earlier this week). I'm not content owning stuff. I get in this mood a lot of times in my life but coming back from Guatemala it's in full force. I know we should be in the world but not of it and in the spiritual sense that's fine. I'm struggling with how to live in this world where society tells you to have stuff, to get the latest, to get the new summer outfits for every summer. I can't stand it. We talked about Amos today in Old Testament and Amos 4:1 says
1 Hear this word, you cows of Bashan on Mount Samaria,
you women who oppress the poor and crush the needy
and say to your husbands, "Bring us some drinks!"

He called them (the wealthy) cows of Bashan. I feel like this is me. I have too much. One of the prayers for Yohanna (a girl at Agua Viva) was that she and her family would want for nothing and grow closer to Christ.

I'm really aware of what I say I want and need and how much I complain. I'm also really aware of how much everyone around me does it too. Plank in my own eye, got it.

I don't know why God gave me a heart and a desire to travel and for others if it can't happen. Right now imaging how I would take 10 cases of Ensure to the African jungle so I could live for a month doesn't really seem possible. I'm living in the fact that it'll happen how he wants it to.

I'm currently addicted to the song Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root. So here you go God,

Send me on my way, on my way Send me on my way, on my way Send me on my way, on my way Send me on my way, on my way.

I'm ready.

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