comparison is the thief of joy--right? yes. it is. ever since i arrived in brasil i have been comparing myself to others. first to melissa, that i wasn't doing a good job at teaching english or that i wasn't discipling girls or that i was just the worst. then i started hearing about this girl who has been coming to the lar for years with her family and she's better than sliced bread. for four months now i have heard about how great taylor is and how great it is when she is here and on and on on and on. and i got insecure. really really really insecure. and insecurities led to jealousy. and jealousy led to ill thoughts. towards a girl I DIDNT EVEN KNOW. so...i messaged her. we started having friendly conversations as her arrival date approached. i prayed daily for her. i prayed that god would remove these insecurities from my heart. the ill thoughts i had were nothing more than bandaids i tried to hide my insecurities behind. even as we messaged more and my heart softened and i got to see that she lives up to the hype that proceeds her. i have been preparing my apartment for her arrival. i continually prepare my heart for her (and another girl) to live in this tiny apartment with me and share life with me. i have grown more and more excited for her arrival. I have longed for a friend since being here and God is sending two cool girls to live in the room next to mine. I am grateful.
last night i was laying in my hammock and just knew i had to tell her these things. i wrote her a long message confessing my insecurities and jealous thoughts and telling her i had moved on from them but i couldn't stand to have her arrive without having confessed them first. i longed for her to assuage any rements of fears i had. she did. she was gentle and kind and i am so grateful. she reminded me that we are in this ministry together.
how often do i forget that. i am doing work for the kingdom. she is doing work for the kingdom. if a 12 year old girl hugs her more than she hugs me in a day...life will go on. if i get hung up on that i am hindering the kingdom and not furthering it. lord help me remember that. i don't know where these insecurities and fears come from other than from sin. its so ugly.
my friend diana posted a picture on instagram today that said "I'm not interested in competing with anyone. I hope we all make it" - erica cook. I'm all about that. I want to root for people more. I want to hope and pray that she can connect with girls better than i can. i pray that god uses things in her life to reveal more of himself to girls. i pray that god uses things in my life to reveal more of himself to girls. sometimes michael scott is right and life is a win win win situation. i pray i can root more for the win win win's.
You did the right thing. I think jealously is a huge issue between team members on the field. I have never worked on a team or had team members so I cannot speak from experience but larger organizations focus a lot of time and efforts to keep peace between team members. It is sad that we are ruining each other from the inside out. Thank you for being real and for sharing this so openly. It WILL minister to others. Bravo to you for speaking to Miss Wonderful and clearing the air before we arrival. That took a lot of guts and wisdom. Have a blessed week. (Now I am officially jealous of you with beach pictures! Ugh!
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