Wednesday, April 23, 2014

the past month has been hard. you are tired of me saying my days are hard. i am tired of them being hard. i was really sick and in the hospital a month ago, then i got better, then i went home for sam and kelly's wedding, then my parents came back to brasil with me for a week, and just now i feel like i am back in a good routine and enjoying life again. sam and i remind eachother a lot that we don't do well with change. we are both terrible at it. so i think the past month of each week different things happening made life a little harder. there were insanely great things in those weeks, i'm not saying things were bad every day all the time but it made it hard for my joy to be steady because it was so up and down. coming home and leaving again, my parents coming and leaving again.

today right now i love brasil again. my fan is the perfect temp. i am listening to my spring 2013 playlist as loud as i can and it is good. reminds me of last spring and drinking a lot of slushees and loving the 8 other people i lived with deeply and having really great car rides. i am thankful.

today started off good, got really bad because teenagers are teenagers and they are sneaky tricksters and get mad when you catch them being sneaky and then they sulk. but i took a break and walked to the store and felt a little down but then the local hang out spot for drunks was blasting samba music and all the drunk men were singing along and i thought Wow they are really into Wednesday afternoons. and that made me smile. because, even though they were drunk at 2:30 in the afternoon they were still enjoying life. so i decided to celebrate wednesday afternoons as well. i noticed the pretty blue sky. i happily went back to work. i had funny conversations and shared secrets with one of my best friends shannon. i laughed with chelsea. i had a funny team vaughn text thread. i did couch to 5k with tia Nova. i rejoiced with her and talked to her and told her about my day and halfway through our conversation and walk/run she grabbed my arm and said WE ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION and we rejoiced that i can speak portuguese. alice ate all her dinner and didn't even cry and that is worth rejoicing in too. i did some interpretive dance in Diana's bedroom and laughed deeply. i've been laughing more. that is nice.

i went to church by myself. i carried a knife in my bra. someday i won't have to carry a knife in my bra everywhere i go but for now i do. that's okay too. the pastor talked about how important it is to read your bible. i get it. i appreciate it though. then he prayed for me and i understood most of it but this stuck out to me: god i pray you give hannah more opportunities to trust and believe in you. then i picked all my fingernail polish off and went home. i killed some tarantulas, i danced in my kitchen, and i loved brasil again. it feels so good. i am so grateful. i am grateful for people who are in tune with the Spirit and can share that with me. I am grateful for gchat and texting and best friends who share their normal day to day life with me. I am thankful that God is good and desires to give me good things and promises to provide for me if i am obedient to his call, which I think I am. I am grateful for a new really funny sister who thrives on making my family members feel awkward and laugh a lot. I am thankful for cool evenings and even cooler portable fans. I am grateful for friends who can point out things that are happening in my life that seem too close for me to notice, I am thankful that i get to stay in this country for 12 more weeks because yesterday the police told me i had to leave the country immediately (they changed their minds), i am grateful for funny moments like salamanders crawling out of my laundry that hangs on the line. i am grateful for hugs and girls that rejoice in seeing me after a long day in the office. i am grateful for encouragement and words of affirmation. i am grateful for my brain that learns portuguese. i am grateful for cold water that probably has parasites in it but i drink it anyway. i am grateful for really cool people that produce really cool music that i love a lot.

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