I am grateful. grateful for the ability to run, to laugh, to hang out at 9 year old's baseball games, to stop on the side of the road for a sunflower field, to make decisions about what i put into my body to make it healthier, to have honest hard conversations, for a multitude of jobs, to sit in a tree for 2 hours with josh deer hunting, to make excellent lattes. 

i've been told over and over for the past 12 months that i need to slow down. that i need to rest more. that i need to be by myself more. that i need to do less. i hate being told these things. i hate sitting. i hate not doing things. its the controlling part of myself. i don't know when i got to be this way. but here i am. tring to pray about it, find time when i can, spend more time with the Lord, and breathe easier. when Josh asked me to hunt with him yesterday I thought we'd be like running through the woods and hiding behind trees and stuff. I didn't know I'd sit in a tree for two hours and have to be quiet because once i came up I couldn't go back down. So...I sat. I prayed. I thought about my life. I decided Kelly's spirit animal. I breathed slow and deep. and I was okay. Life went on even though I didn't do anything for two hours. So...today, I did it again. I was supposed to clean a house and I didn't have to so I slept in and had a quiet time and sat in the sunshine and went on a run and sat in the sunshine some more and took a nap at 11 am and then went to work. taking life a little slower isn't so bad all the time.