blogs i could have written but didn't this week :

what life is like having a sister to drive to the mall with
how i sat in 4 different doctors chairs in the past two weeks
how i was really really angry and cussed out god this week
what it means when i turn on she don't want nobody near by the counting crows really loud & on repeat.

life has been full and busy and hard and full of glory glimpses lately. glory in the form of birthdays, new friends, text messages, patio sunsets at hope, remembering that this life is TEMPORARY.

i am grateful that this life is temporary. praise the lord. as mad and angry and as many times as i used profanities at god this week i was gently and lovingly reminded that this isn't life. this is not eternity. this little busy earth is earth and not heaven. praise the lord. i read a quote this morning that said something about how when you get to heaven jesus is as excited as you are that you're finally there. it will be good. so good. there won't be braces in heaven. or broken jaws or periodontal disease. praise the lord. nurse friends won't be paranoid about ebola because there won't be a need for nurses and there won't be ebola. this is good. i do not know what heaven will be like so maybe i shouldn't speculate on what it won't be like but i have to take heart in that. i have to have hope that it won't be this hard forever. that this little broken body that has been through hell & back in 24 short years will always be broken and cause for tears. if i don't have hope in that then i may shrivel up from all the tears.

god does this god thing where he promises people things and they have hope in those promises and sometimes they die before those promises are fulfilled. but those hopes aren't in vain. i don't think its ever going to be easy to believe and hope for heaven when earth is here and hard and full of medical insurance companies and their hold music. but that's what its all about i think--keeping on and holding on to those glory glimpses and hopes that show up.

ps--if i am blasting she don't want nobody near by the counting crows you really should stay away. this song should indicate that really, i don't want nobody near and also i probably can't figure out or deal with life.

pps- having a sister to drive to the mall with on a saturday afternoon is really lovely and i'm sad that i missed out on this for 22-ish years but grateful i get it now.