as more time goes on i (obviously) am noticing more things brandon and i disagree on. not that i ever thought we were in agreement on everything in life because that's a hard no, but just little things that i notice day to day. it's not like i've ever been married before or lived with a partner before so it's all just new to me. brandon is really good at reminding me that we are in this together and that he is always down to talk, even if i am not. thus, me sitting on my back patio with the dogs writing this blog because i needed to write to process it. he knew i was feeling funky but i wasn't ready to talk. i'm not even mad. this isn't a fight. it's just a-hmm i thought we agreed on these things but we don't. brandon asked tonight if he could get a credit card just for gas to improve his credit score for when we want to buy a house. we've done dave ramsey. we agreed we'd never have a credit card. i felt weirdly hurt and betrayed that he would even ask me to get a credit card. that was something i thought we'd never do because we were so against it and against credit as a thing to define us.
or like, i thought it was common knowledge that you use a dish and you wash it. or use the dishwasher. but no, brandon would leave all his dishes in the sink for a week if he wanted to/could. (to be fair he washed all his dishes all day today in a timely manner which is pretty impressive without even having a reminder)

it's so interesting to me how engrained things are in my mind from my family or lived experiences that i never really realized before. dinner at the table instead of in front of the tv. dishes being done before bed. shoes put in the shoe basket. clothes in the hamper. wet towels hung up. taking out the trash when throwing out rotten food. i'm sure brandon has a list equally as long.

i've felt a lot like martha from the mary and martha story in luke. i'm all about opening up my home and filling it with love and people and dogs but then i miss out on things because i'm so concerned about the dishes in the sink. my friend chelsea was in town last weekend and i see her like twice a year and she's my best friend and she was eating pizza with brandon in the living room and i was doing dishes. to be fair, we were both tired and i don't think she at all held it against me. chelsea- did you? text me. brandon has been good at reminding me that it really will be ok. that the dishes in the sink won't cause life to end and that we will be ok as a couple. i know that when i go inside or when he comes out here and we talk about the credit card thing he will tell me it'll be ok. and it will. and i know he wants to get a credit card because he wants to help his credit. i have fine credit and when we talked to a loan broker if we did everything in my name we would be golden and approved for a half million dollar loan (what? yes. i can't even handle it. side note: we would NEVER take that much money.) and so i think maybe sometimes brandon feels like he isn't providing for us. before we joined our bank accounts honestly he was always owing me money. and $20 here or there adds up. before we combined our accounts he owed me $600. and i'm sure that sucks. and i don't even want to think about/dwell on our current financial situation because we are very much anticipating october. the month the wedding ends, our birthdays end, and we don't have to spend tons of extra money on things. we will feel rich i think. i can't even imagine how much more my parents feel this sentiment. we are so grateful.

so listen. joining lives together is hard. joining bank accounts together is hard. but we keep telling each other that we are so grateful to do things together. that makes things so much better. and we are grateful.