title

bloggy blog blog. this is for you rebekah joy rausch. good thing you're my best friend and lying in bed next to me right now.

God cares a lot more about our freedom than our maneuvering through life. -john piper

God's provision.

Freaking everywhere in my crazy life.

• over $600 dollars in support for Nica trip in a week and a half
• Brad Vaughn running with me yesterday and encouraging me in incredible ways
• God knowing Sam and I would deal with such grief at times in our lives and let us be family members
• Class being cancelled today when I couldn't go anyway due to the funeral.
• Isaiah 41:13 being perfect
• texts from Grandma and Aunt Colleen encouraging Sam and I
• not even caring it's valentines day
• Rebekah being in the room after lunch so I got to talk to her about all this crazy provision
• having time on saturday to work out and go to the basketball game, both unplanned.
• The body shop getting my car fixed
• Steph and I grabbing lunch
• beautiful friends and God multiplying time and energy to do all the things I want to do
• getting to talk to Derrick and Taylor this past week
• Katy B still being in my life for the long haul
• Seeing Macey and Kindale and Anna Grace so much this weekend
• Getting to love on Drew a lot lot lot
• Paychecks coming at perfect times
• Chelsea letting me talk everything out as much as I want to
• Purple birthday cake working out
• getting all my homework done at work
• being at work and being able to talk to Sam last night
• Josh Jones caring and atlking and letting me cry.
• Chelsea bringing stuffed animals with her when she picked me up
• Matt Orth being in my life a lot

Grief is hard. God is good and powerful. That is all I know. This was mostly for my sake, but maybe it is good for you too.

you make beautiful things out of us.

God is good.

Rebekah told me to start blogging. We're eating puppy chow and talking about boys. typical. I love her.

I AM A SENIOR IN COLLEGE. OH MY GOSH

too early for dinosaurs in my bed.

written by Erica Christensen!

Dear Hannah, I love you. One day, there was a lemur named Theodore. Theodore wanted to meet the elusive unicorn named Hannah. Hannah liked to fly around on pink clouds and sing Christmas carols. Though everyone knows about Hannah, no one actually can slow her down enough to talk to her. Theodore watched her fly by everyday. He really wanted to meet her. So one day when Hannah flew by, and Theodore took a running jump and started to fly. It was so exciting to feel the wind rushing past his face. He was flying! And then, CRASH! He crashed right into a muddy puddle. Oh, no!!! The next day, Theodore tried again to catch up with Hannah. He tried again and again and again, to no avail. One day, he had a sudden burst of inspiration. He would raise up a giant flag and tell Hannah to come down there. He worked all day and all night and all the next day on this giant flag. He labored over it and then he finally finished! He was ready the next day. Hannah flew by, and Theodore put the flag up. Hannah saw it out of the corner of her eye, and decided that it was a very pretty sign. She flew in that direction, and before she knew what she was doing, she was flying towards a funny looking lemur. She landed, because now that she had seen him, it would be rude to run away. They started talking, and talking and talking. They laughed and laughed. They had the best time together! They decided to be best friends and lived happily ever after being BFF’s.

re·deem

 

–verb (used with object)

1.

to buy or pay off; clear by payment: to redeem a mortgage.

2.

to buy back, as after a tax sale or a mortgage foreclosure.

3.

to recover (something pledged or mortgaged) by payment orother satisfaction: to redeem a pawned watch.

4.

to exchange (bonds, trading stamps, etc.) for money orgoods.

5.

to convert (paper money) into specie.

6.

to discharge or fulfill (a pledge, promise, etc.).

7.

to make up for; make amends for; offset (some fault,shortcoming, etc.): His bravery redeemed his youthfulidleness.

8.

to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, by paying a ransom.

i am redeemed. and i didn't have to pay the ransom.

the summer after my sophomore year of high school I became a Christian. Here is my xanga post from after camp. Yeah, I had a xanga.

I got on the bus to come home and finally got my mp3 player back and turned it on and smiled at Nick then clicked on Play Any Track and this song came on and I started to cry. Anna&Zoe&Em might agree, it's exactly how I'm feeling.

Side Note---A longggg time ago Katie Carson was giving a sermon at church and she said "Love is the answer you've been looking for." and that quote has stuck with me since then and has been in my profiles and probably in here too but one of the talks this week was about love. and I found it. I just got home 2 hours ago and at 930ish came upstairs and turned on my computer and pulled up iTunes and the first song that played is this song. And its so true.

" I found love, didn’t even know I needed it

But I found love, never even crossed my mind

I found love, had a garden never weeded it

But I found love, took an apple just in time"

Four years ago I found love. Four years later after my sophomore year of college my faith got rocked at discipleship focus in tennessee. This is what I learned.

The moon is round

our purpose in life is to love the Lord.

everyone's needs are: security, significance, and purpose

I am unconditionally loved and that God's purpose is good and he is always in control.

sin makes us desperately dependent on God

we are children of God because of the fall

we must be desperately dependent on Him.

i need to pray for God's attitudes and emotions and for His heart towards situations and people

my circumstances won't change but if I find my joy from the Lord it doesn't matter

my salvation is not dependent on the lack of sin in my life

i am the branch, he is the vine.

we must remain & abide in Him always.

God can use pain for good.

we need to present everything to Him.

God transforms and conforms us. we don't have to do it.

we are commanded to not be anxious

i don't have to feel free to know i am free.

we can't even be Christians without God.

present circumstances, emotions, attitudes

when facing a decision we should ask if we really even trust and want Gods will for us.

i am more controlling than i ever knew.

i cannot do anything on my own

exodus 16 is true.

my sin, not in part, but in whole is nailed to the cross and i bear it no more.

i'm free.

four years ago I found love and stumbled through life. i was dictated by my feelings, my friends feelings, feelings boys had towards me. i found worth in my appearance (i had a classy mirror picture as my profile picture on my xanga), found worth in boys, and found worth in being different than everyone else. i knew nothing about sin.

now my life is dictated by the lord, what he says about me, and what i know to be true. i find my worth in Him, and still too often in myself and in boys. i know entirely too much what sin looks like in my life. i also know that i'm set free and i don't have to be shameful or guilty or have a heavy heart about it. i knew a lot about pain four years ago and know a ton more about it now. i also know that God really does cause all things for good, and i'm finally okay not knowing why but with trusting Him.

that's a part of my summer. This post secret from 4 years ago is still true.