the boys moved out today!!!! :( justin left this note^. i walked in and saw it and cried. just a few tears because i was supposed to be teaching asl class to dan but i came to see if he was still here. :(

i'm sad. the boys are sad. and homeless. which is also sad. i asked justin if we were still pals and would hang out and he said hannah i'm literally homeless we'll probably hang out more because i'll have nowhere to go and nothing to do. haha. sad. and he said he'd come over this week and dread my hair. fair enough.

on to funnier things. today this guy jon posted on the ultimate group that he needed a ride and i didn't know where the field was so i was like oh i'll give you a ride. and hoped he wasn't a creeper. but, for the record it's a closed group so someone had to invite him so someone had to know him. so i met him at the intercept lot and turns out he was one of the guys from the church dinner sunday night! so we talked and drove and laughed and sang a lot and turns out he didn't know where the field was either. so we laughed about that and he googled it and directed me. so we got there and found some other guys from the group and they busted out a six pack and they drank and we threw and we laughed and it was nice to throw around for sure. then some more people came and we threw around for teams and they broke out a bowl and smoked and this guy alex peed and then we played ultimate. i could only stay for one point but it was pretty fun to play.

so, weird. everything in my life involves drugs. great. hahahahahaha ryan has a little like open window thing by his loft door and he just peaked his head out and made puppy paws unintentionally. i laughed hard.

16 days till i see my best friends. ahhhhhh so good. i may survive after all.

 I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. john 10:10


i think i've forgotten abundant life. well i know the answer (ha, as if there is one) is eucharisto. being thankful. being grateful. i haven't forgotten that. i am grateful. grateful for every moment of colorado. the complete crap that it used to be, and the real fun adventure it has turned into. the laughs and tears and grace that i've found here. 


but this place is not full of abundant life. i see it in high school girls i get the priveledge of hanging out with mondays and wednesdays- they want so badly for jesus. when asked what they are living for 5 out 6 said "i know the answer should be jesus, but it's not. i know it should be jesus and i want it to be jesus but it's not" they want it. 


the boys i get to live and dance through life with want something more. we've all had conversations one on one about them wanting wives and children and happiness. they want it. they cover it up for the world by drinking and smoking all day every day so they don't have to remember they don't have what they want or will make them happy. justin says the girl he's shacked up with for the past two weeks was too nice and he's over her. he says he wants a woman to live this incredible life with. adam numbs his depression and his anxiety and self consciousness with constantly being high or drunk. 


tonight christine asked me if it made me sad. if my heart broke for them. at first i wanted to say no because they have good lives and are good people and because my life has kind of become a little numb like theirs has. but it does break my heart. for them and for myself. tonight after young life i put in a cd of jesus songs that my friend sarah thomas made me and i sang and cried and drove home and felt like such a fake. i felt like i didn't deserve to be singing those songs. like the fact that i have chosen to chase boys or be chased by boys or drink and have desires to drink when i have had long days or desires to smoke pot just because i could here, meant i couldn't be singing praises to god. like i couldn't thank him for all the goodness because i had chosen the worlds goodness instead of simple truths. 


i still come back to freedom. that incredible and awful freedom we have. the freedom that i can sing praises because god says i am still his beloved. that i do belong and deserve somewhere i can feel free and that is in him. 


how great is our god. 

obligatory full moon post? haha it is real pretty. april 6th and i cried the other day thinking about leaving here. and trying to figure out ways i could stay here

"guys...isn't it weird we eat chicken menstruation?" - keenan

"elton john's greatest hits...nothing but the hits guys ITS NOTHING BUT THE HITS"- adam

my life has been funny lately for sure. i hear some stomping outside, it's either the boys or a bear. either one. time is flying by and i'm so sad. i never knew i would fall in love with this place. i love working 9-5 as weird as that is, i love the sunshine, i love running on trails, i love having a new mountain to climb every day if i want, i love meeting new people, i love prickly pear margs, i love laughing and adventuring, i love living in this house (the girls and ryan and mario have been gone since thursday and its been so nice to live life with the boys and laughing and playing cowboys and indians which is weird but great and having elton john dance parties and watching bridesmaids). last night i was so sunburnt and tired that i went to bed and left my light on and door open and i yelled for the boys until adam walked in and told me goodnight and turn the light off and shut my door.

this is pointless but i really am enjoying things. the boys were supposed to move out yesterday but that didn't happen so praise the lord for that.

saturday i got my oil changed and ran 6 miles and talked to sam and hung out at my house withhout pants on and talked to my sister and cleaned my room to bone thugs and went to venga venga and had a drink with jenine and met this boy nate at the park to play ultimate. there was a birthday party at the park for all adults and some were dressed like clowns and they had a wiffle ball throwing machine and like 100 wiffle balls so nate and i threw around and then we got to hit wiffle balls and that was funny and so great. then i went to pizza with lesa and george and then went back to snowmass then came home and fell asleep and the boys came home and woke me up and we laughed. yesterday was easter and i woke up and cried because i felt all alone and went to church and wasn't really into it then went to venga venga and sat outside with ashley and kiki for six hours and got hella burnt and then ash's friend matt came over with his dog and we hiked the rim trail of snowmass and it was so good. hiking and drinking santa christmas beer living the colorado life. then went to a church bbq and sat in the chapel with like 20 people all in their 20's and drank beer and watched boys roll joints literally bigger than king kongs fingers (who gets the reference?)

today i woke up and had a quiet time which i haven't in a while and prayed and listened to call me maybe on accident but had a little dance party in my bed and realized i can't stay here even if i want to. so then i decided that i was moving to richmond. i emailed some craiglist ads for nanny jobs, told megan to be on the lookout, asked christine to find me a job and a place to live haha, maybe have a place to live with a girl annie from hs.

you belong somewhere you feel free.

this is really just because i have a shitty memory, i'm sure it is boring to read about my life and read things like "i ran barefoot and sat in sunshine and rode with the windows down and listened to good music and my life is the best" all the time hahahaha

i'm so sunburnt i can't even blog.

yesterday this was justin's status : We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing rooms and toothpaste, coveting one another's frozen dinners, hiding booze, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and laughing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. with Keenan and Adam


i read it (and got pissed i wasn't tagged in it) and almost cried. yesterday i was really overwhelmed and sad that i was leaving. i literally never thought i'd have these emotions towards colorado. it's been so good lately though. challenging still but so good. trying to figure life out just like justin said. trying to work out life and faith and whatever. at young life in aspen they've been talking a lot at club and campaigners like What does it all mean? what does the cross mean what does jesus dying for you mean what does it all mean. and all I ever come back to is freedom. 


1. Freedom, independence, liberty  refer to an absence of unduerestrictions and an opportunity to exercise one's rights andpowers. Freedom  emphasizes the opportunity given for theexercise of one's rights, powers, desires, or the like: freedom ofspeech or conscience; freedom of movement. Independence  implies notonly lack of restrictions but also the ability to stand alone,unsustained by anything else: Independence of thought promotesinvention and discovery. Liberty,  though most often interchangedwith freedom,  is also used to imply undue exercise of freedom: Hetook liberties with the text. 9.  openness, ingenuousness. 12. license. 16.  run. 


run. which is funny because that's when i feel the most free. 


i know colorado is full of hippies and everyone's spiritual but not in a jesus sense and everyone's so chill. i think i've adopted some of that mentality into my faith. we really were made to feel free. we were not made to feel enslaved. we were given a choice in loving the lord or not. freedom. 


back to running- i run a lot here. maybe more than i did training for my half. not as many miles but i go on more runs. last week i ran without shoes on a trail and cut open both my big toes. i sent a picture to my boss and she said why would you do that and i said i didn't have shoes and i just wanted to feel free. i don't run fast here- 9,000 ft altitude and running up a mountain slows me down a lot. but i always feel free. the sun shines bright and some flowers are trying to bloom and it is beautiful here. 


i feel free to be myself. i feel freedom from being the funny girl, or the christian, or the young life leader. its nice to work out my faith for myself. and to make mistakes and figure those out too. it is nice to be chill and live in the simple pleasures of driving around a mountain and sitting in the dirt and getting excited to toss a frisbee because i haven't since december. i definitely live (i had to do some expense reports and forgot what i was going to say i live...) in freedom and the simple life here and that's nice. unencumbered by things. i can dig it. 

one time my friend stephanie got engaged while on a run with her at the time boyfriend and my friend brittany and i became obsessed with this story and hoped everytime we ran that we would get engaged! she has a boyfriend, i don't but i was still hopeful. like the next day we were running past john deere and these road bikers passed us like twice and the second time one of them turned around and said HANNAH I LOVE YOU and i think i almost fell over dead because i thought i was going to get engaged. it was just my friend josh. but really, it was a close call.

my life is funny. Christine, this ones for you!

so samuel is friends with this girl christine and he showed her my blog (that he doesn't read-rude) but she does and we became best friends. tonight we facebook chatted for the first time which i hope wasn't weird--was it? and it was awesome. we both appreciate my funny family, friends, couch sleeping, and the SUMMER OF FUN. so naturally we are best friends. she just said what if i said i didn't want to be friends? april fools. i told her i would be pissed and write a blog about her which she seemed to want. this is it. i'm watching friends and eating peanut butter cheerios and now i wish that she was here and hanging with me. good thing we have the whole summer.

so cheers for being stalked and making new best friends and having a new partner for the summer of fun 2012. i'm stoked.

colorado is still good. i'm sunburnt and my freckles are coming out and that brings me joy.