Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."
I am not going alone.
Monday, January 2, 2012
tonight, I have peace. I think it came in the form of my sleeping bag (the second one purchased today-the first was too small). As I laid in my sleeping bag on the kitchen floor with Scout crawling over me I think I felt peace for the first time in a long time. Something inside me just clicked and said it will be alright. As the night progressed I talked to some of my friends on the phone and through texts and they all just know my soul so well. Emily acknoweledged my emotions of sadness and of apprehension and just really saw my heart. Michael encouraged me that God was leading this crazy adventure and it would be okay. Mary texted me a verse about being sealed with the Holy Spirit (and then we took an unbreakable vow to pray and encourage each other every day). Chelsea and Nacho prayed for me. Stokes wished me Merry Christmas because she was at the airport. Jonathan encouraged me about my sleeping bag and told me I would be back soon. I've heard all these encouragements before (basically every day of my life since I decided to go to Colorado) but tonight they were real and true and made my heart smile. I remembered Joshua 1:9 and read it over and over
Sunday, December 25, 2011
i love you]
I'm writing this in hopes that I can look back on it in four months (or three weeks) and realize how silly I was for feeling this way. This is not the first time I have gotten upset over the thought of moving to Colorado but this time it feels a lot closer and real. I just spent the best weekend ever with two of my brothers and it was seriously the best. Until 11 pm tonight when I had to say bye to Zachary and it was really bye until May. May seems so far away, it is December right now. Then Sam and I sat on the couch and watched more Adventure Time and laughed more and both fell asleep. I woke Sam up and told him we had to go to bed and he said I have to hang out with you tonight and for four more months to make up for the time we won't have. I don't know how I will survive four months without seeing and laughing in person with my best friend. In person, in car rides, in hours on the couch watching Adventure Time, in hard conversations, in laughs till we cry-that is how we are best friends. What will I do without that for four months? What will I do without Broad River Community Church? What will I do without the coffee shop and knowing I will always see my best friends there? What will I do without running endless circles around Boiling Springs and also knowing I am bound to run into someone I know. Where will I go instead of the prayer room in the chapel? What will I do without high school girls to hang out with at 707 thursday mornings at chic fil a and 727 monday nights? Will I have a church? Will I have hearing friends? Will I feel isolated? I am so scared. Will I cry when I drop my dad off at the airport? Will it be the longest sixteen weeks of my life?
God remind me that You are there. Give me peace. Deep sink in my bones peace. Give me hope like light like Megan. Help me trust in your unfailing word and love. Help me rest in the gospel of your love. Help me celebrate everytime I get to see snowfall. Help me be thankful about everything. Help me grow more in love with you than I ever have in my life. Help me seek you especially if I don't have a church. Help me know I'm not alone. You are good in these things God. I know you hold true to your promises. Help me discover new ways of seeking and being faithful and loving you and my family back in virginia and boiling springs. Help me not feel far from anyone. Spur pople on to sending me love and encouragement and help me to do the same. Lord, help me to not be afraid because at 12:24 am on December 26th I am.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Is it possible? will I actually blog this summer? Doubt it, but I would like to try to. I'm a horrible blogger and inept at using words and having thoughts. I am currently in my house where I have been for the past 2 weeks (besides some excursions out in the world of Northern Virginia) because my gas light came on yesterday and I don't have enough money to buy gas. Hard life. My puppy is gnawing on my big toe, he is three but maybe he decided to start teething. Or is becoming rabid. Hard to say. I'm currently lounging on my couch with sunshine pouring down on me from all the windows in my family room listening to David Crowder Band and reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I started this book early April and then got busy with school and life and not studying for final exams. This book is changing my life. It is so good! She is so poetic and wise. She was trying to figure out the meaning of life to the full and how to acheive it and realized that to have full abundant life you need to live in a posture of gratitude.
Eucharistos εὐχάριστος - mindful of favours, grateful, thankful
So she was challenged to make a list of 1,000 things she was grateful for. She wrote the list and it's really neat to see the things she ended up being grateful for. Beautiful rainbow reflections on soap bubbles, washing warm eggs, warm cookies, moonlight on pillows, long prayers, chocolate on her sons upper lip. Gifts that God graciously lavishes upon us that we never even notice. As I have been reading this book I wrote down things in the moment I was thankful for-Scout sitting on my cold toes, Matthew and I rocking on his front porch telling the bees we loved them so they didn't sting us, Mama walking in the door and smiling when she saw me, sitting in Sam's bed crying with him. This book is making me more aware, making me live in that posture of being mindful of favors, grateful, and thankful. I'm only halfway through but it is so good and I'm savoring every word of it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
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